Stick-shift 101

Hank — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 04:57:57 GMT

If you have ever had trouble learning to drive a stick-shift, this will bring back happy??? memories. This is my true story.

"This is the worst mistake of my life, " I muttered. "What on earth could have possessed you to do such a thing?" In most cases I always try to look at every possible angle - the pros and the cons, the good vs. the bad, and well, you get the picture. In my case, what could go wrong did. I was about to enter my own "Outer Limits."

A friend of mine, Jack, had a S-10 light pickup truck and I was impressed with its easy of handling, and so much easier to get in and out of, unlike my car. I had no trouble getting into my car, but getting out was another story. I often had to give myself a little pep talk as I muttered, "anda one, and two, and push!" I could get my left foot out okay but my right foot often got caught on the frame causing me to do a little one-legged dance. Any passerby would have guffawed outloud.

Jack helped me in my search and that is when I discovered just how much one with an automatic transmission costs. Since I was dead set on getting a truck, it would have to be one with a stick shift. However, I did not know how to drive a stick. Jack offered to teach me on his truck and so for many months he would take me out on old country roads, a wise decision on his part, so I could practice.

Mental imagery is so important when learning to drive a stick as I quickly learned. Our parents tell us "keep your eyes on the road!" Well forget that! My zone of concentration was on the gearshift and pedals. I had a hard time figuring out when I had to shift. The straining of the engine should have been a clue, and I noticed that the grinding of the gears was becoming a popular sound inside the truck. I began to think Henry Ford must have had a twisted mind for conjuring up such a ridiculous configuration.

With the help of Jack, I finally got my dream truck off the back lot of a GMC dealership in 1989. It was bright blue and a bare to the bones truck with just a bench seat, no radio, no power steering (what could I have been thinking) and a standard transmission. The dealership was on Hamilton Rd in southeast Columbus, 40 miles south of Delaware, where I live. The fastest way to get back home is straight up Interstate 71. I was terrified. I imagine stalling out on a heavily congested four-lane highway, and getting myself killed and others as well. The only sane solution remaining was for Jack to drive my brand new truck home (the only brand new vehicle I have ever owned) while I followed in his old automatic car. I was downtrodden all the way home.

At age 39, I was about to enter my own comic relief tour. Having traded in my car, I just had the truck to get around in. The constant lurching and stalling was wearing me ragged and it was only the first day. I was scared stiff - I knew I would be driving on my own now. Jack would not be there to keep the rest of the driving world safe from me - I was a menace. I could see myself being hauled up before a judge. I would be letting all of "women-dom" down as I heard the judge gleefully say "women drivers."

My first taste of disaster came after I got off work from my factory job the next day - I stalled out in after work bumper to bumper traffic. Horns were honking, shouts of impatience, and cursing were filtering up to my ears as I desperately tried to extricate myself from this situation. The joy of my new truck was quickly disappearing. I remedied the situation after that disaster by arrivng 90 minutes before my shift started and waiting a full 45 minutes before leaving for home, after traffic had cleared out. As a liberated, independent woman I chided myself over the fact that my life was controlled by an inanimate machine. It was though the truck had taken on a life of its own, mocking me, saying "Ha, ha, I laugh at thee."

On the weekends I practiced in the cemetery where it was quiet. Standard transmissions have an additional pedal, the clutch which was my archrival. Remember Lurch the butler on Addams Family. I should have named the truck Lurch. At times I felt like I had permanent whiplash from the truck constantly jerking to a stop.

All in all, learning to drive a standard transmission was one of the most infuriating experiences of my life. I cried, yelled, and thought I was on the verge of going mad, but eventually I gained a respect for myself, that I was indeed capable of overcoming obstacles that were placed before me. I had my truck for over 10 years and loved every minute of it once I finally learned to be drive it. But everyone should be aware, if you ever decide to purchase a truck, regardless of what size it is, that at some point in your ownership you will end up as a pseudo North American Van Lines for friends and family. Enjoy!

The copy machine is winning

Hank — Wed, 06 May 2009 09:47:45 GMT

It would seem that in all this age of technology that running a friggin copy machine would not be all that difficult, but yesterday it was copy machine - score of 1 and me a score of zero.

Every school district I go to has a different copy machine. Some have the latest and greatest that allow teachers to place an order on the homeroom computer and it will be done by the time the student runner has arrived. A huge machine, like the incredible hulk, that has all the latest whiz twitters, and go yo gadgets that a teacher could ask for. Yesterday, I went off to make copies at my new placement school. It seemed relatively simple until it would not quit making copies of the first thing I wanted done. Turns out this machine has a master copy and you have to insert one single page and then it will in turn print out what you want. Too bad I did not realize this until I had copied 75 pages of the same thing instead of just the 25 that I needed.

The fun did not stop there as it was out of toner, which i had no clue how to install and then it was out of paper, which I was able to manage, but there is no legal size paper so everything on the one page I wanted copied was shortened by a third.

I managed to finally get done what i was supposed to but it took an entire class period. The teacher must have thought I got lost or that it ate me.

Today the copy machine thought it was going to make the score 2 to zip, but we had a meeting of the minds and after an intial bad start, I did mange to get 6 sets of 51 copies each. I am making progress.

Kids say the darndest things

Hank — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 14:04:53 GMT

I was substitute teaching the other day and one of the little 3rd graders comes up to me and said " Only 2 girl's have ever lived in my house." I was thinking he was going to say mom and grandma, or something similiar. I was not prepared for his answer, which was "mom and the dog." He said this so matter-of-factly and I was having a hard time keeping a straight face while laughing inside.

C J's World - Welcome

Stick-shift 101

The copy machine is winning

Kids say the darndest things